I started documenting the stages of my paintings about 3 1/2 years ago and started to share my creative process through Facebook over the last year to a very limited number of people. As an artist, it is hard enough to share a finished work of art at times. The feeling of being exposed and the extremely personal nature of some works of art can leave an artist feeling very vulnerable. So the idea of sharing the stages of the creative process...the construction, deconstruction, near disasters on canvas and then the final product can put one into a panic just thinking about it...but for me I do paint in stages (I PIS...lol) and it has been amazing for me to see where a painting starts and where it ends up and the messages and feelings each stage provokes personally and to others has been what inspired me to start this blog...the revealing of the creative process at its most raw levels.
Here is the first painting I started capturing this way: Reclamation of Self...a journey back to me (2007):
This was something I wrote awhile ago, around the time I was working on this painting with the theme of reclaiming oneself.
My thoughts are on the 4 agreements and why we as a society try to define beauty in a specific way and judge all that doesn't fit within that definition...why obsess over something that doesn't define us, any of us – the self within the self the woman within the woman was waiting for me to open my eyes and see her to finally look upon myself with God's eyes and see my beauty – intellectually I know it was there but emotionally, I was still the little girl that was called horrible things by the men who loved me, how many more abusers did I have to choose to prove a point that is pointless because it doesn't define the essence of who I am or who anyone else is either. A skin suit is not the person born into this world - it's what gets us around and needs to be cared for but it is not the definition of any one of us. Why do we need so many books to teach us such simple lessons about who we are and why we are here? Each author is trying to help us remember who we are and be the best we can be – sometimes harsh, sometimes too blunt for the sensitive soul on the defense but all these words are from the heart of a soul who is remembering who they are and why they are here. Don Ruiz would say it this way:
1) Be impeccable with your word
2) Don't take anything personally
3) Don't make assumptions
4) Always do your best
Back to basics…I often wonder if primitive humans had self-image problems…did they think Primitive George the hunter is not hairy enough and will never amount to anything and Gina the maiden is not bosomed enough to be my mate – village shun her for her lack of mammories! If we didn't have mirrors how would be know if we don't look like Paris Hilton or wish we had the chest of Pam Anderson – would Pam Anderson have breast implants if our society was evolved enough not to judge our beauty based on a physical attribute. When Gina the maiden was judged for lack of mammories in primitive times it was because the human race was trying to sustain itself as a people and have the most fertile of the tribe bear the children in order to further the human race. How did we go from survival to breast implants? Are we still trying to prove we are the most fertile and desirable women in the cave…and poor hairless George the hunter…hair was a survival aspect as well…warmth and protection…how did we go from protection to toupees…how can you protect your tribe with a piece of hair glued to your head…why do we continue to go against the nature of the genetic makeup we were born into??
The woman within the woman and the man within the man are the voice you hear when you go against that inner knowing that says don't do that and you do anyway and everything blows up and what do we do – we blame everyone else, we blame God and look everywhere but within. Inside the drive to do stupid, hurtful, harmful things is fear and mistrust
When we learn to trust ourselves with our path – the fear fades away. We fear because we don't trust ourselves. He will hurt me and he does because if "he will hurt me" is a true statement and you don't trust yourself enough to say I deserve more and walk away then yes, he will hurt you and it will be your fault for staying in a place that wasn't for your greatest good and highest truth…"he's such an asshole", well if he is then why do you stay..He will not change for you and you looking to him for change is selfish because he was that before you met him. Is it for his highest good to NOT be an asshole?…yes, but that is not for you to determine – that is his path in his time and if you hold your life still while he figures it out then you live for someone else and put you live on hold and you stunt your own growth. You give away your power to someone who is unconcerned with you and you chose that for yourself. He didn't ask you to do that. You chose that because you decided he was more important than you. It's another distraction toward your own path to try to fix someone else. Why do we focus externally when internally we contain multitudes: our happiness, our faith, our trust, our talent, our light all exist within waiting to be discovered, cultivated and shared with the world? Why is delving within so scary for all of us…is it that we'd have to admit that we are living an external life that is a lie, not even close to the light we really are, we'd have to admit we are not victims of our own lives. We are a creation of the events in our lives. We dreamt and created the hell we exist in and we have all the power within us to change it to Heaven and happiness. It's not psycho babble fluff either – it is so easy that people miss it looking for some magic potion to save themselves from their hell and the magic is right there inside of them – they are walking, breathing versions of heaven on earth…We are the magic.
